Back to the World
Several evenings ago, my girlfriend and I were precariously seated by our host at a tiny round table jammed between two normally arranged rectangular tables. We wined and dined together as we celebrated our anniversary, traditionally at Monteverde, which is arguably the finest Italian restaurant in Chicago, making it, by extension, one of the finest Italian restaurants in the country.
But our experience was not all spaghetti and sunshine.
Across from our table is Monteverde’s expansive U-shaped bar, with its eastward opening to the bartenders equipped with their arsenal of elixirs, followed by the beginning of a world-renowned kitchen preparing some of the best Italian cuisine anyone will ever have. Diagonally from us, I noticed a guy (not a gentleman, just some guy), presumably on a date (though his relational circumstance is of no consequence), sitting at one of the two ninety-degree corners of the bar.
Geometrically, he was on the x-axis situated to the right of his presumable date, who was seated on the y-axis to his left; therefore, at a ninety-degree angle from each other. Although this is an unambiguously preferable seating arrangement, he had his back awkwardly turned toward the other millennial woman sitting to his right, but due to his thoughtlessness, rather than sitting next to him, she now asymmetrically sat behind him.
She sat at the bar alone, showcasing autonomy (a virtue) for taking herself out on a rainy Friday evening, treating herself to one of the finest Italian meals in the city. And good for her, this is absolutely laudable. Living in a world-class city of Chicago’s stature, from time to time, try not to order in and instead try to go out, because there is a world worth experiencing.
I digress. Back to the presumable date.
I believe the technical term for this type of guy is ‘bozo’, and this clown was negligent on two accounts. First account, a ninety-degree corner at a bar of Monteverde’s caliber on a romantically rainy Fall evening is money. Prime real estate. It is perfect for sitting right next to someone at the premier ninety-degree angle arrangement. Perfect for enjoying one another’s company.
And. He. Wasted it.
Wasted it. Because rather than comfortably sitting with his presumable date at the ninety-degree angle, he now positioned himself tensely sitting toward her, essentially sitting across her, face to face. Which brings us to our second account; in order to foment this uncomfortable arrangement for everyone (including the observer, me), he positioned himself with his back unceremoniously turned toward someone that he did not know. This is as rude and disrespectful as ever.
Not only was this all terribly inconsiderate, but it was doubly indecent. Pertaining to his presumable date, sitting across from someone is an inherently combative social position. This has been the case since always. Whereas sitting at a ninety-degree angle next to someone is cozy and encourages intimacy. And I am not necessarily talking romantically intimate, just good old-fashioned comfort and warmth. It is an ideal seating arrangement. Sharing and caring. Lean in and lean out as the dynamics of the evening take their course, right there next to whomever you are fortunate enough to be with.
But this guy was selfish in turning his back on someone, and senseless in unnecessarily creating a combative dynamic between him and his presumable date. Sandwiched between the selfishness and senselessness resides a suspension of manners and awareness. Of course this is contagious to everyone around him, but it is especially tragic for patient 0; he, him, and himself. Social decorum is a virtue. Collaboration is among our greatest competitive advantages. Paired with language, we have been blessed with the wherewithal and good fortune to dominate as a species as we advanced to conjure and create our vast societies. And these societies have fostered a rich life for us within which we can imbibe on cocktails as we wine and dine at one of the best Italian restaurants on the planet. Selfishly and senselessly turning our back to anything disregards our space within our time.
So do justice to the ninety-degree angle when it presents itself. This prescriptively opens us up to the people we are with, and hand in hand, it holistically opens us up to our world. Have a seat next to someone regardless of circumstance, presumably dating or otherwise. Maybe especially for otherwise. Avoid turning your back to people, because, aside from being impolite, it also denies all the potential between you, which is a denial of potential in and of itself. An appropriate preemptive measure is turning around and getting back to the world.
